WHAT YOU’LL LEARN

• What the Care Work Gap is and How We Can Change It
• How the Pandemic Highlighted the Care Work Gap
• Why Work Flexibility Doesn’t Fix the Care Work Gap
• How to Close the Care Work Gap
• The Impact that the Care Work Gap Has on Our Lives

As a mom therapist, I never envisioned myself addressing widespread social topics such as feminism, gender norms, or the overarching value of care work. But the more I worked with mom clients who struggled to find their footing while working full time and still carrying the bulk of care work in the home, the more it became apparent that these issues are central to maternal mental health. 

Author Petra Bueskens theorizes that “we have been freed as women but constrained as mothers.” While we still have progress to be made, women have gained more freedom and rights in many areas. We’ve gone from being expected to have children and stay at home by default to being empowered to form our own careers and take pride in our work. 

But even as we’ve gained that freedom and started taking on the role of co-provider, the expectation that we are the caregivers in the home hasn’t changed. 

A large part of the issue is that care work itself isn’t valued. Tasks like nurturing, supporting our children emotionally, or even traditional household labor like cooking and cleaning, are largely undervalued and unappreciated—and these tasks are defaulted to moms. 

The result is that we’re often carrying the equivalent of two or more full-time jobs—and bearing all of the care work responsibility on our shoulders. It’s not only unrealistic—it’s a one-way ticket to burnout. 

So how do we change this? How can we shift societal views and create a ripple effect that leads to the value of care work? And how can we create a new view of care work even within our own homes? It isn’t an easy transition, but the more awareness we can build, the more change we can create. 

This week on The Momwell Podcast, I’m joined by Blessing Adesiyan, Founder & CEO of Mother Honestly Group Inc., to discuss the value of care work and how we can support and empower moms on an individual, societal, and global scale. 

What The Care Work Gap Is and How We Can Change It

When Blessing became a working mother, she realized (like so many working moms do) how unsustainable it is. The pressures, the expectations, trying to balance work and home, being defaulted into household labor—moms are drowning under the weight of it all. 

But their partners aren’t held to this same standard. The care work gap is the mismatch in household, emotional, and mental labor centered around meeting the needs of others. Women fall into this role—in the home, in the workplace, and in society in general. 

Blessing started The Mother Honestly Group to support moms and to close this care work gap,  for women, families, and workplaces on a global scale. 

Care work is important—and not just for small children. It’s the way we support all families, the elderly, the disabled, and so many more. It fosters the economy and society. And yet, it’s historically undervalued and unappreciated.

Women have carried the bulk of the care work for generations—but now they’re more active in the workplace than ever. The “provider” role within homes is now shared—but care work hasn’t changed. It’s still falling to women. 

Blessing said that the pressure of carrying all of the responsibilities at home while also trying to maintain a career can impact women’s physical, emotional, and mental health. This creates a ripple effect that reaches everyone. 

Care is the engine that can help drive a sustainable economy.

It’s not just an issue within individual homes. Blessing pointed out that care is the engine that can help drive a sustainable economy. That means that we need to address the care work gap on a large scale, creating policies that support moms and families. 

How the Pandemic Highlighted the Care Work Gap

The pandemic highlighted just how unsustainable the care work gap is. If there ever was a time to build a national care policy to support families, this was it. 

Instead, the care work gap widened. Working moms balanced their workload while caring for children and navigating virtual school. Meanwhile, their partners’ time was often protected. Care work skyrocketed, but moms were the ones carrying it. 

Care work skyrocketed, but moms were the ones carrying it. 

This created a care work crisis—one that fueled maternal mental health struggles at an all-time high and resulted in The Great Resignation—a mass exodus from moms in the workplace. 

So why didn’t things change, even when it became evident that this care gap crisis was unsustainable? 

Blessing said part of the reason is that care work isn’t profitable. The long-term social return of a mentally healthy population doesn’t measure up to the short-term ROI of a business model where working mothers handle the care work. 

Even in a pandemic, even among a mass rise in stay-at-home moms who felt forced out of the workplace, women lacked the bargaining power to create change. 

Why Workplace Flexibility Doesn’t Fix the Care Work Gap

One of the challenges moms face in the workplace is the nine-to-five structure—a setup that was not created with moms or families in mind. 

For a while, it seemed like the pandemic might bring a solution—workplace flexibility. In theory, flexible work hours are a great solution. In reality, men are often the only ones that benefit. 

Blessing said that men often use flexibility to balance work and leisure time. Working moms, on the other hand, use their time off to catch up on care work. Flexible hours haven’t created relief or balance for moms—instead, moms are fulfilling a stay-at-home parent role during the day, then trying to cram work in during naps and bedtime. 

Flexible hours haven’t created relief or balance for moms overall. 

This can create even more overwhelm, leading to burnout and mental health challenges. 

Blessing said that the answer isn’t just flexible hours—it’s rethinking the fundamental relationship between work and care, and urging businesses to shift to different models that support families. 

One way to do this is to offer reduced hours and part-time work, giving workers more capacity and time to balance work and care. But creating buy-in for this idea isn’t easy—and it requires changing the way we view and value care work on a large scale. 

How to Close the Care Work Gap

If we want to change the way care work is valued, we need to address the cause. Care work once fell to moms because they weren’t working outside of the home. But now, most households depend on two incomes—and that should mean sharing the care work labor. 

So why doesn’t this happen? Gender norms, cultural and social roles, pressure placed on moms to “balance it all,” and a mindset that associates time with money, and money with value, all play a role. 

We have to fundamentally rethink the concept that tasks are only valuable if they are paid. Care work is real, tangible labor—and we need to make it visible. 

Within our own homes, that means confronting gender norms, talking about care work and invisible labor, and working as a team to address the problem. 

This can feel uncomfortable—especially if we’ve been conditioned to think that moms “should” be the ones providing care. We’ve normalized struggle and burnout to the point where it feels like that’s what a “good mom” does. 

We’ve normalized struggle and burnout to where it feels like that’s what a “good mom” does. 

It can feel like if we ask for help or admit that we can’t do it all on our own, we’re saying that we’re failing. It takes a lot of unlearning, addressing these underlying beliefs and myths about the motherhood role to let it go. 

But when we share care work, everyone is empowered. Moms can regain autonomy, reduce pressure and overwhelm, and carve out time and space for themselves. Partners can build confidence and capability, creating ripple effects that let our children see that all parents are nurturers and providers—traditional gender norms can be challenged. 

The Impact that the Care Work Gap Has on Our Lives

Closing the care work gap isn’t just about sharing labor at home or challenging gender norms on an individual level. We need to remember that care work impacts everyone—and it has to be addressed on both a small scale and a broad one.

The pressure moms face isn’t just unrealistic—in many cases, it’s crushing them. When unchecked, it can lead to burnout, depression, withdrawal, or even chronic illness and substance abuse. 

The pressure moms face isn’t just unrealistic—in many cases, it’s crushing them

Moms deserve a sustainable workload. Caregivers deserve to be acknowledged, seen, and valued. Children deserve parents who aren’t pushed into levels of burnout and mental health struggles. And we all deserve to live in a world that values needs and care. 

The ROI of closing the care gap, relieving the burden moms face, and changing the way we value care work might not be obvious. But there is a real payoff. Creating a mentally healthy society benefits everyone. 

Blessing said things need to change because caregiving is everyone’s responsibility. It’s an uphill battle, but the more that we talk about care work, the more we make it visible, and the more we push for systemic changes that support families, the easier that battle becomes. 

Ultimately, Blessing believes that care is about changing any situation for the better—and that if we can share care work in a sustainable way and create an infrastructure that prioritizes families, we can change the entire world for the better. 

‍Struggling with the balance in your home? You’re not alone. Working with a mom therapist can help! Book a FREE 15 minute consult today.