WHAT YOU’LL LEARN

• Why We Often Experience Career Disappointment
• How Millennial Moms Are Set Up for Career Struggles
• The Myth of the “Dream Job” and How It Impacts Our Careers
• Why Motherhood Often Makes Us Question Our Careers
• Working Mom Struggles We Often Face
• Breaking Away from the “Dream Job” Myth
• “Power Moves” and How to Become Proactive

I hear from moms every day who feel frustrated in their careers. To some degree, this is expected—so many of us feel pressured to work as if we don’t have children and mother as if we don’t work. 

Between unrealistic expectations and the massive weight of the invisible load (which falls to moms even when we work full-time jobs or outearn our partners), it’s a one-way ticket to burnout. 

But the more I speak with moms, the more that I have realized the real struggles working moms face go beyond overwhelm or even the weight of the invisible load. For so many moms, motherhood kickstarts a desire for something different something more in their careers. 

And for millennial moms who were often raised to chase the “dream job,” this can feel very uncomfortable. 

Gender norms, social expectations, and motherhood all become wrapped up in our identities, often leaving us questioning our career paths. But perhaps the answer starts with breaking away from the idea of a “dream job” and focusing instead on empowering ourselves to make active decisions driven by our internal values. 

Today, I’m joined by Lauren McGoodwin, CEO of Career Contessa, to discuss how women and mothers face barriers in the workplace and how they can start creating power moves to achieve real career fulfillment. 

Why We Often Experience Career Disappointment

Like so many of us, Lauren began her career path with determination, searching for the “dream job” that would bring her happiness, fulfillment, and passion. She moved, pivoted her career, and tried to find her place in the workforce, but even after landing a “good job,” she immediately realized this wasn’t what she wanted to do. 

This took her on a journey of analyzing careers, “dream jobs,” workplace goals, and ultimately took her into recruiting, where she became fascinated with the unique barriers women faced in the workplace. 

Ultimately, Lauren founded Career Contessa to provide a space for women to connect, share their experiences, and support each other through the ups and downs of their career journeys.

Lauren shared that in her experience so many women enter their careers with an external checklist in mind—go to college, graduate, land a high-paying job with benefits. But when checking off the boxes doesn’t bring the happiness or fulfillment they are looking for, they experience a disconnect. 

We really need to be turning within, rather than looking at what we’re “supposed” to do

She theorizes that this happens because we often don’t know what we want when we’re young. And yet, we’re told to choose our career paths early on. So we start to look externally for something to tell us what it is that we really want to do with our lives. The external goals become easier to check off.

But she believes that we really need to be turning within to understand our own passion and values, rather than looking at what we’re “supposed” to do. 

How Millennial Moms Are Set Up for Career Struggles

The millennial generation in particular struggles with this because of the way we were raised. Many of us were brought up to be high achievers and told that we could do anything we set our minds to. 

If we did well in school, people expected a lot of us. And because many of us were also people-pleasers, we often thought about what would look good or sound good in terms of career aspirations. 

We were taught to be ambitious, to be “go-getters,” and to search for our dream jobs. Women were raised with the idea that we can, and should “do it all.” 

Lauren said that we were a generation who was told we could be anything, but we heard that we have to be everything. She believes that millennials, especially women, were ultimately put on a path toward career disappointment. 

We were a generation who was told we could be anything, but we heard that we have to be everything

We were taught to check boxes and achieve more and push ourselves further. And when we arrive at our careers, everything changes. For the first time, we’re in an unscheduled environment with no clear direction. 

Careers are very different than school. They aren’t always constantly evolving to the next level. They don’t come with coaches or teachers or guidance. And they don’t come with report cards or levels of proven achievement. 

This, combined with the idea that our “dream jobs” are supposed to feel a certain way, can leave us questioning our jobs and careers, even if we might actually be in the right place. 

The Myth of the “Dream Job” and How It Impacts Our Careers

Lauren said that the idea of a “dream job” is a myth we have been sold—an image of work that is not just a job, but a fulfilling career that brings us purpose and passion, pays well, doesn’t have a terrible commute or a toxic boss or co-workers, that we wake up excited to go to. 

When we’re told that this unrealistic picture actually exists, it makes us question our jobs if we don’t love every single aspect. It also makes us feel as if it’s our fault if we don’t feel that way—and that we should just go keep searching for that dream job. 

She said that this keeps us in a “grass is greener” mindset, always thinking about where we are going to go next. 

The irony of the dream job myth is that it keeps us from being happy at work. 

But she pointed out that the irony of the dream job myth is that it keeps us from being happy at work. We never actually reach the pinnacle of “dream job.” And because we’re always searching, we end up missing out on real growth opportunities and the chance to become impactful, valuable employees where we are. 

Lauren said this can even contribute to workplace burnout because we don’t feel that we are making an impact, or we don’t recognize the value we bring to the table. 

Why Motherhood Often Makes Us Question Our Careers

When all of these pre-existing factors for millennials and career frustration are in place, motherhood is often the catalyst that pushes us over the edge. 

We become different people and often start reevaluating many aspects of our lives. And that internal work—which Lauren believes is actually what we should use to guide our career decisions in the first place—is hard. 

Lauren said that it’s harder to look inward than to try to check boxes. There’s no grade or clear direction or getting a certificate at the end of something. It can feel like the progress isn’t as clear or linear. But the internal work is much more rewarding. 

We can pivot from the idea of “dream job” to a “good enough job” that doesn’t ask us to give up our lives for work. 

She said that it’s helpful to pivot from the idea of a “dream job” to a “good enough job,” which she defines as one that doesn’t ask us to give up our life for work. 

When we have healthy hobbies, passions outside of work, and strong relationships with our families and friends, we might not put as much pressure on ourselves to have that “dream job” that defines our identity. 

This can feel hard—especially in a society that tells us to focus all of our passion, attention, time, and energy on our children. But allowing ourselves space to rediscover who we are in motherhood is important. 

Working Mom Struggles We Often Face

For many moms, working can feel like a complicated issue. Even the choice to work or not work isn’t always clear-cut or within our power. 

Many moms are pressured to return to work before they are ready or aren’t offered paid leave. Many moms feel pressured to sacrifice their careers or put their work on the back burner to stay home with children. Many moms stay home with children when they wish they could return to work but it doesn’t make financial sense to do so. Many moms look for part-time or flexible work. Others want to work full-time, and are able to, but might find themselves wanting to pivot or change. 

Even the choice to work or not work isn’t always clear-cut or within our power. 

We can’t always control these aspects of work in motherhood. But for those of us who are in a place where we are able to make choices, searching inward for our needs and understanding what it is that we are seeking can be very valuable. 

Lauren shared that one of her podcast guests once said, “the grass is greener wherever you water it.” This can apply to not seeking the “dream job,” and instead cultivating value and a positive relationship with the job you have. But it can also apply to work and motherhood. 

She said that we can often find ways to fulfill our professional values or maintain our career skills even if we aren’t working full-time jobs, especially in the online work world. 

For example, she pointed out that if we are in a season of life where our career is on the backburner, but we still want to keep our skills sharp, we might volunteer in our children’s class and strengthen our networking skills. Or perhaps a side hustle or fractional consulting work is a possibility. 

Even if those things aren’t possible, then it might look like visualizing what your career would look like if you could return to work. This can help us through the chapter of life we are in, even if it isn’t where we ultimately want to be. 

Breaking Away from the “Dream Job” Myth

Lauren said that one great way to start breaking away from the “dream job” myth and determining what we truly want is to think about our trade-offs and our non-negotiables. 

No job is perfect—there are always going to be trade-offs. But we can focus on what is most important to us. 

That might be flexibility in schedule or working from home while our children are young. Or it might be having on-site childcare. For some of us, it might be physically going into the office to provide a clear separation between work and home. 

No job is perfect—there are always going to be trade-offs.

It’s important to remember that our top priorities when it comes to work can change with each chapter of life—and that’s okay. What is most important to us when our children are little might not be the same later down the line. We can always re-evaluate and make decisions based on our evolving values, our priorities, and our season of life. 

This also applies to what works for us, or doesn’t work, within the home. We have often been unintentionally conditioned to prioritize our partner’s time or to deprioritize our own, especially as moms. We often find ourselves defaulted into mental labor or becoming the go-to to take off work for doctor’s appointments, field trips, and other events. 

We might need to revisit the distribution of labor, have open conversations about the mental load and who is juggling what, and talk about pick-ups, drop-offs, and who is taking off for sick days. These conversations can change over time, and they are important to revisit frequently. 

It can be hard for us to break patterns, but we can push back on gendered default roles and assumptions and discover what works for us and our family. 

“Power Moves” and How to Become Proactive

Both at work and at home, Lauren encourages all moms to start embracing “power moves,” or actions and behaviors driven by being proactive rather than reactive. 

We usually make career moves as a reaction to something—like losing our job, a negative relationship with a boss or co-worker, or even a promotion. But Lauren believes in playing a more proactive role in our career development, thinking about intentional career growth, financial moves, conversations about promotions or raises. 

Power moves also include looking for learning opportunities and having a growth mindset about your professional development. 

These power moves don’t always have to be big. It can be as simple as not allowing yourself to be interrupted in a meeting, or setting a boundary at home that allows you to prioritize a work project. 

Little power moves are stepping stones that can lead to bigger change

Lauren said that the little power moves are stepping stones that can lead to bigger change, more fulfillment, and greater happiness in our careers and personal lives. 

There is often some level of discomfort when we start down this path. But Lauren said we shouldn’t shy away from that discomfort. Lauren said that we can view this discomfort like a quarterback who sometimes has to stay in the pocket a little bit longer to execute something big. If we can tolerate a little discomfort, something better might be waiting on the other side. 

The more we start to embrace power and become proactive for our own needs, our own values, and our own growth, the more comfortable we become. 

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