Understanding Intrusive Thoughts: What They Are, Why They Happen, and How to Cope

What You'll Learn

• What Intrusive Thoughts Are and Why They Happen
• Common Types of Intrusive Thoughts
• Why Intrusive Thoughts Don’t Define You
• How to Navigate and Respond to Intrusive Thoughts
• When and How to Seek Support

Understanding Intrusive Thoughts: What They Are, Why They Happen, and How to Cope

If you've ever been gripped by an unexpected and distressing thought, you’re not alone. For many new parents, intrusive thoughts feel alarming and isolating—especially when they involve their child.

In reality, intrusive thoughts are common, with some studies suggesting over 75%-90% of postpartum moms experience them. Despite how disturbing these thoughts can feel, they aren’t a reflection of who you are or your capabilities as a parent.

This week on The Momwell Podcast, I’m joined by Dr. Cassidy Freitas, licensed marriage and family therapist, mom, and podcast host. Together, we explore the world of intrusive thoughts, why they happen, and how we can navigate them with compassion and confidence.

What Intrusive Thoughts Are and Why They Happen

Intrusive thoughts are unexpected, involuntary thoughts or mental images that can feel disturbing, distressing, or even “other.” They often involve scenarios that are counter to our values or deeply upsetting, like accidentally harming our baby or a catastrophic event happening.

Dr. Cassidy explained that intrusive thoughts often arise during high-stress periods, like the postpartum stage, because the brain is on high alert, scanning for potential threats. This heightened vigilance is an evolutionary mechanism designed to protect us and our loved ones, but it can sometimes backfire, leading to distressing or extreme thoughts.

Factors that can contribute to an increase in intrusive thoughts include:

• Sleep deprivation
• Hormonal shifts
• Traumatic birth experiences
• Increased stress or anxiety
• Family history of anxiety or OCD

It’s important to remember that intrusive thoughts are just thoughts—not actions or intentions.

"Our brain’s job is to keep us safe, but sometimes it misfires and highlights threats that aren’t real or helpful."

Common Types of Intrusive Thoughts

Intrusive thoughts can take many forms, and while they can feel isolating, they are incredibly common among new parents. Some examples include:

• Harm-related thoughts: Ideas or images of accidentally dropping your baby, tripping while holding them, or other safety concerns.
• Sexual thoughts: Distressing ideas or fears that something inappropriate might happen during caregiving tasks like diaper changes.
• Catastrophic thoughts: Fears of your baby choking, suffocating, or being harmed in some way.
• Self-harm thoughts: Concerns about unintentionally hurting yourself, such as falling or dropping a heavy object.
• Overprotective worries: Fear of not protecting your baby well enough, such as worrying about a door not being locked or environmental risks.
• Health-related anxieties: Fears about your baby stopping breathing, developing a sudden illness, or being exposed to danger in everyday environments.

These thoughts often feel completely out of character, which is what makes them so distressing.

"The fact that these thoughts feel disturbing to you is actually protective—it’s a sign you’re not going to act on them."

Why Intrusive Thoughts Don’t Define You

One of the biggest fears for new parents is questioning what intrusive thoughts mean about them. Do they make you a bad parent? Do they mean you want to harm your child? These worries often spiral into guilt and shame, making it hard to open up.

Dr. Cassidy reassures us that intrusive thoughts don’t define you. Feeling distressed by them is actually protective—it shows they don’t align with your values. Intrusive thoughts often tap into your deepest fears, like keeping your baby safe, but they’re not a reflection of who you are. Instead, they’re a byproduct of a brain working overtime to assess and prevent danger.

"Your thoughts don’t define you—your values and actions do."

These thoughts are involuntary, not chosen, and assigning meaning to them only amplifies their power. Recognizing them as glitches in your brain’s protective system helps reduce their hold. When you separate yourself from these thoughts, you create space for self-compassion. Your worth as a parent comes from how you show up for your child—not from the fleeting thoughts in your mind.

How to Navigate and Respond to Intrusive Thoughts

The goal isn’t to eliminate intrusive thoughts (they’re a normal part of human experience) but rather to change how we respond to them. Dr. Cassidy shared several strategies to navigate and reduce their impact:

• Label the thought: Recognize it for what it is—an intrusive thought, not a reflection of your character or intention. For example, you might say, “That’s just my anxiety talking.”
• Create space between yourself and the thought: Avoid engaging in a battle with the thought or ruminating on it. Instead, acknowledge it and let it pass.
• Focus on values-based action: Shift your attention to what matters most to you, like caring for your baby or connecting with your partner, rather than letting the thought derail your day.
• Practice grounding techniques: Deep breathing, mindfulness, or sensory grounding exercises can help you return to the present moment and reduce the thought’s intensity.
• Reduce stressors where possible: Address contributing factors like sleep deprivation or overwhelming schedules.

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"Intrusive thoughts don’t have to control your life. You can acknowledge them, let them pass, and focus on what truly matters."

When and How to Seek Support

While intrusive thoughts are common, there are times when it’s important to seek professional help. If your thoughts:

• Feel persistent and overwhelming
• Interfere with your ability to care for yourself or your baby
• Lead to avoidance behaviors, like not carrying your baby or avoiding certain tasks
• Leave you feeling hopeless or unable to function

It’s time to reach out for support. A therapist trained in maternal mental health can help you navigate these thoughts, reframe your responses, and develop coping strategies that fit your unique situation.

Dr. Cassidy emphasized that sharing these thoughts with a trusted professional can bring immense relief. You don’t have to navigate this alone—and you aren’t a bad parent for struggling.

Intrusive thoughts are a normal part of the human experience, especially during high-stress periods like postpartum. While they can feel alarming, they don’t define you, your character, or your abilities as a parent.

The key to managing intrusive thoughts is recognizing them for what they are—just thoughts. By labeling them, creating space, and focusing on what matters most, you can reduce their impact and regain a sense of control.

If you’re struggling with intrusive thoughts, know that you’re not alone. Support is available, and reaching out can be the first step toward relief. Book a free 15-minute virtual consult today to get started.

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